How he came to be my husband

January 15, 2007 at 4:54 pm | Posted in charity knitting, country living, dating, faith, family, free knitting patterns, Habitat for Humanity, Holidays, knitting, marriage, photography, relationships, romance, volunteerism | 21 Comments

Fireflys Winter Adventure BeginsWinter, this winter, has been a temporary visitor here and there. She would stop by briefly, tease us a bit, then leave. Her snow and the cozy promises it presented would melt quickly each time and disappears altogether. She was ethereal and mysterious. We loved her and never scorned her visits, but did long for her to stay a bit longer, maybe settle in for a while and work her magic on the earth and roots and various other essential elements of the eco-system here. We also selfishly, I admit, wanted her presence with us for our own enjoyment and pleasure.

In the wee hours of the morning on Saturday, she came by and this time she stayed. Sleet turned to snow sometime between five and seven in the morning on Saturday. The snowfall was measurable and it has not gone away.

I tromped around in the snow for a while taking photos of things I found as I explored. I have learned the art of bundling up now so that I can go out for a long time with the camera and stay warm the entire time. Back in the house as I handled emails or worked at my easel, in every direction I looked from within the house, I could see the snow of our outside world.

My husband and a couple of his friends went up to Toronto on Saturday to an annual boat show up there, and I stayed home working on some photography for a while, then oil painting much of the day, and other activities that kept me happily creative and occupied for twelve hours or so … listening to music much of the time.

Fireflys Winter Adventure ContinuesIt was a beautiful day indeed.

It has been nearly one year now since my husband and I first made contact via email … January 29th of last year he wrote to introduce himself to me after reading my profile online. Bless him and bless me and bless the circumstances that led to him writing that initial email.

I promised a while back to tell the rest of the story, the part that follows How I Met My Husband. Today is a good day to give you more.

From when the we first met, we wrote long emails to each other every day. No communication went unanswered or unacknowledged. At the time I was still a bit confused about my experience with the Viking, so I didn’t realize I was talking to this new fellow (my now husband) for the purpose of possibly getting together. I was confused. My heart was still stinging, and my “vision” was a bit impaired.

Fireflys Barn Out Back on a Snow DayLots of other men were writing to me at the same time, but this new fellow … his emails stood out clear and vibrant. It was almost as if I was in a dream, standing in a place that was very crowded, feeling a bit stifled by the press of the crowd. Looking urgently into the crowd for someone I thought I knew (the Viking) but had lost track of, to the side a voice called out to me and caused me to look their way. And when I did, the confusion started settling out, an opening between us formed, and I was able to reach my hand toward this new voice and face and then there was contact as his hand touched mine and he pulled me to safety, out and away from the crowd.

And my initial response was something along the lines of, “Wait a minute, (shake my head a bit) … what?”

That’s what it is like when you come out of confusion sometimes. It can be a bit unsettling to suddenly not feel confused anymore.

We had so many strange and little things in common as well as the big things, it was astounding. Similar eating habits and patterns, same favorite author, same book on the bedside table for years, same enjoyment of pirate talk and things nautical, photography, graphic arts, making and creating and repairing things out of whatever you have on hand, barns, rural life, sense of humor, wit, irony, faith.

A couple of weeks after the daily emails started, we added a weekly phone call to the mix. Oh, how I loved his voice. I had never been affected by a voice that way before. For some reason I felt as if I could listen to that voice forever. Perhaps it was just a part of knowing on some level what the future held. I don’t know, but I did love his voice.

Fireflys Winter Adventure ContinuesAs we continued getting to know each other by email and by phone, we brought up all kinds of subjects and issues. We both felt very strongly that open, direct, and honest communication was key in what we were doing. If we could communicate openly and frankly with each other, there was a chance of creating a lasting relationship. Neither of us wanted a relationship that was empty … if I was going to remarry it was going to be real and for him, if he was going to marry at all, it was going to be real. Not a compromise just to escape being alone.

Less than a month after we first started emailing we got to the subject of faith. Faith is huge. And it was huge for him and huge for me.

I knew it could be problematic also, because we did not come from the same religious background. Could we find commonality in faith itself, even if the specifics of religious doctrine were quite different? Were we similarly tolerant … I hoped we were. I hope so with all of my heart.

The wonderful thing was that with him I felt safe in communicating fully and openly on the subject. There was a particular day when our emails shot back and forth all day long on that subject. Questions were posed, solutions were proposed. I told him at one point that while I valued our open discussion, I also trembled. I trembled because I was in deep enough by that time that if things blew up in our faces it was going to hurt.

I researched this issue online to find out how others deal with religious differences when establishing a relationship or a marriage. There are many approahces, but from what I found the solution that the majority of people adopted was that each person would maintain their own religion and faith and that attempts to convert one another were strictly off limits.

Fireflys Winter Adventure ContinuesHmm. Well, I could see how that might work. But I also felt that if we tried that approach it would put an artificial barrier between us that would violate the basic premise that we operated under, that open and direct communication was the healthiest thing to strive for.

I proposed to him that we should both acknowledge the fact that “conversion” is a natural responsibility in any religion and that we could say we were each fair game as long as there were no hidden intentions or expectations. That if I was accepting him as a man of whatever his faith was, that I would not have a hidden agenda of intending to change him to what I really wanted later down the road. I think people do that kind of thing to each other all the time, and I don’t think it is right.

He agreed with my concept, and we also agreed that we would each participate in each other’s religions and always speak openly with each other on the subject.

The fact that we could address such an emotionally charged issue analytically and respectfully and come up with a workable way of integrating our differences into each others lives created a profound affect on me. From that day I no longer felt alone. It was remarkable. We had not agreed to be a couple or a team, and yet we had shared such deep a personal communication on such a vital subject and worked it out as if we were a couple.

For me, we became a couple that evening, on the phone and have been ever since. That was less than one month after we first made contact.

That was a Friday evening. Within three days we started talking on the phone every night for four or five hours, without fail. We couldn’t stop ourselves. All we wanted to do was talk to each other. Hear each other’s voices, be together even though we were more than 3,000 miles apart.

Fireflys Winter Adventure ContinuesIt was magic and powerful.

The daily emails continued along with the phone calls.

Life changed completely, pretty much overnight.

And here I am today, less than a year later … on this farm more than 3,000 miles from where I was last year at this time.

And there is beautiful white snow on the ground and my husband is at work only a few miles away.

And I am happy.

I hope you are too. If not, I hope you find such happiness as this as soon as you can … or something close to it.

Have a beautiful day,

~firefly

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21 Comments »

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  1. i am happier after reading this blog post. when is that novel of yours coming out or your book of photography? πŸ™‚ you have so many devoted readers that you’d be on the best seller’s list. πŸ™‚

  2. That was so incredibly beautiful. I am truly enjoying your blog- love the biscuit blanket pattern, btw. I also find a lot of commonality with your beliefs, you are truly a person to look up to, not because you are happy (which I have a problem with right now), but because you are happy and you are you. And that’s something I am trying to attain.

    I don’t have a blog,but perhaps I will start one. Thank you for writing so beautifully.

  3. Loved the story today and I can certainly identify, faith was important to both me and my husband when we first met on line. We did find that we were on the same spiritual level, so a compromise was eventually attained. It is so wonderful to meet someone who found true love the way you did. I am so happy for you.

  4. Beautiful story and photos. I have been happily married for over 46 years, so it has been a long time since we ‘sorted’ out the differences in our faith! We made it work!
    I especially loved the photo of the woodpile. We do not have or need a woodpile, but I am a lumberman’s daughter and I just love wood! If we were ever to build our own home, it would be timber frame construction.
    Thanks for the story and I look forward to more – your writing makes for easy reading!

  5. I love this blog. Thank you again for your wonderful photos and heartfelt blog.

  6. Hi Firefly,
    Really, really enjoyed the tale of two lives coming together, accompanied by your winter photo story. Beautiful! I’m happy for you and the happiness you and your husband have found and made with each other.
    A beautiful day to you, too!

  7. Love the snow and the chapter in your romance.

    I just read the comments with Friday’s blog and the blanket is so beautiful. I’m sure you can make more with all the interest expressed in the comments.

    Have a wonderful day!

    Mom

  8. Firefly, I love your blog, and this story just spoke to me. Meeting people online is a scary proposition, and it warms me to know that some actually succeed in meeting their soulmates. Plus, of course, you express yourself beautifully!

  9. I have loved hearing the story that brought about such a happy ending. Thank you for sharing it.

    Nice to see that winter has arrived for you, it has here as well. As always, I’ve enjoyed your photos; there is something magical about old barns, no matter what the weather…

  10. Such a beautiful story. I met my husband of one year the same way…on a band’s message board. I asked if someone had a particular show that I wanted…he responded….and one year later I left the midwest for southern California. Thanks for sharing your story.

  11. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful story of you and your husband. It is so comforting to know that there is that kind of happiness out there – and I am grateful that you have found it.

  12. I love reading about how you and your husband met, how you just clicked. It was much the same way when my husband and I first started “dating” via letters over 15(!!) years ago. In reading your account, I get to re-live mine, which is really nice.

    I’m so glad you got your winter now…did you get to break in those boots? It’s been unseasonably cold here in AZ, and as you can imagine, I’m loving it. πŸ™‚

  13. i am so happy readig the final chapter of this story. the whole story is so touching and real, and honest. just beautiful. it is nice to hear happiness coming to someone so unexpectedly like that.
    your photos are great as well! we are still in the midst of never ending spring in new york city, so i really enjoy these pretty viewpoints of your snow!

  14. Wow-I’d like to say something more profound, but you’ve taken care of that;) I’m so happy for you both. A love story as beautiful as the photographs that surround it. x

  15. If you can talk and come to an understanding about religion and faith without degenerating into a brawl, it must be real.

    Your snow pictures are beautiful. The barn fairies are all tucked in and hibernating now.

  16. Lovely story!
    i met my boyfriend through a dating agency, still together almost 3 years later. He was the one that emailed me constantly, we arranged to meet up but it always fell through, meanwhile we both met up with other people but none of them ever went beyond one date. Finally we met and it was one of those click, fall into place moments from day one!Best of luck to you, just found your blog and really enjoying it

  17. I just love your blog, the photographs today were awesome. I’m enjoying reading about you and your husband.

  18. Phew! That was a long wait but worth it – thanks for sharing.

  19. I loved this story – thank you for sharing something so private but also so lovely. I always enjoy looking at the photos with which you decorate your blog and would like to emulate you a little in that way. However, no sign of snow in Cardiff at the moment, just driving rain and gale force winds, so my challenge today is to find something beautiful outside despite the weather rather than because of it! There is a patch of snowdrops which is rather pretty…
    Love, Jennie xxx

  20. What an amazing story. Sounds like you are both very special people.

  21. I found your blog by accident while doing a websearch; your stories are so inspiring – I can tell you are truly happy with your life. So few of us are blessed to be living a happy life & don’t realize that it’s not about what you own or how much you accumulate but the love of your family which matters the most. I also met my husband online a little over a year ago. It was very much like your own story except we only lived about 30 miles apart. Still, we would never have met if not for the internet. I have found my soulmate who is a wonderful father to my son (whose biological father abandoned him) and makes my life complete in every way. Just goes to show that if we truly listen, God will give us the life that we want.


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